obviously, my costume was/is the most incredible thing you’ve ever seen. i made it myself, and my lovely counterpart candace handcrafted hers as well. since we’re both fly as hell we decided we needed to take it to the streets to get the love we deserve.
friday, we enter a lady gaga look alike contest. obviously, it was in the bag. we stroll in, surronded by some store bought gagz and some blondes in leotards, and we knew what was up. the first hint that something was amiss should have been the lack of gays. all around us were blondes and old couples, and not a gay to be seen. the one random homosexual in the group immediately yelled “HONEY B!” to me, so he knew what was up.
the contest starts, and we run to the front. the dumbhead announcer woman looks candace and i up and down and says INTO THE MIC “who are you supposed to be? you’re not even gaga.”
it was traumatizing. how could she not know? then she tells the crowd to say “yay or nay”, and everyone started naying at us! we were humiliated! this never would have happened at badlands. we needed to get to the castro for redemption, stat.
cut to saturday, last night. we get decked out, head to joels for pics and had a great time posing and dancing. diane made the most adorbs ghost lolli’s, and people at least knew who i was. then we took it to the streets…
who knew that getting into a pick up truck with a lesbian named barb to hitch a ride to the castro was a bad idea? who knew that sending your drunk friend home with your last $20 would later come back to haunt you when you (soberly) drop your keys down the elevator shaft and have to pay $150 to get the the locks rekeyed? who knew that you’d have to sleep on a friends couch in beyonce booty shorts and a pink bra? who knew that walking home barefoot would cause you to step in some glass, and almost fight some beezey dressed like dorothy who tries to get in your way when crossing van ness? who knew that by sunday, actually halloween you’d have the realization that you’re twenty six and its not appropriate, grown or cute to be doing hoodrat stuff with your friends?
people, i’m glad sucktober is over, and i’m ready for a new month. STAT.