Hey girly! Wanted to say that it was super nice to meet you on Sat. Your Tumblr is a really accurate reflection of you - well, of the first-impression you at least. Hope you're not too down on yourself and the world anymore this evening.
Let me know if you want to do any other concerts - John Nemeth again (at Biscuits n Blues this time) or Earl Thomas there as well or Tony Bennett at Davies - all in May.
saturday was so much fun! thanks for the invite, i LOVED it. i’d so so down for john nemeth (that man can play the harmonica like nobodies business. i totally want to see tony bennett too! how was purple rain? everything you dreamed of and more?? we should go on a presidio walk so i can meet your pup.
You can’t make more hours in each day. Yet you can put more purpose and focus and meaning in each hour.
Blaming a lack of time is like blaming the sun for rising. There’s nothing you can do about it, so it’s not a factor to concern yourself with.
What you can do, is make the commitment to yourself to make each moment count for something meaningful and valuable. What you can do, is allow your authentic purpose to guide your focus, your actions and your use of the time that’s at hand.
Instead of worrying or being distracted about things that really don’t even matter, give your energy to what you truly care about. Instead of letting the time slip away, allow the best of your dreams to more fully unfold with each passing moment.
Remember constantly who you really are and why you have chosen to go in the direction you’re going. Every thought, word and action that comes from your true purpose will draw great value from the moment you’re in.
Whatever your age or situation, there’s plenty of time to live richly. And that time is here right now.
after a day of feeling super happy and really blessed the weight of the world kind of hit me, and my coping mechanism tonight was malbec. my mom had left me a voicemail that said “i’m thinking about you and i miss you, it’s just not the same without you here”.
but thats the thing, it will never be the same. i haven’t lived at home since i was seventeen. it’s been almost ten years. ten years of growing, laughing, hurting, crying, learning, failing, and surviving. things have been good and things have been really, really ugly but still… they will never be the same.
before i checked out i grabbed a bouquet of pink tulips. this kind of impulse purchase is uncharacteristic of me, yellow daisies are more my thing, plus i’m never home enough to enjoy live flowers. when i got to the counter the guy behind it handed me a gummy candy. “try it, you’ll like it” he said. “it’s good” i said. then he said something important.
"are these only for you?" he asked.
"yup", i replied. "just me".
"good for you!" he said. "sometimes you need to buy yourself flowers and a bottle of wine. it’s good that you can do that for yourself. it’s okay to be alone."
then he send me on my way. i got to my house and realized he snuck 3 extra candies into my bag. it was the only candy i got this easter.
i didn’t really tell you guys i was in a relationship that ended a few weeks ago. it was fun and new until it became clear that though we enjoyed each others company, the glaring no’s we had ignored in the beginning were deal-breakers come long term. things that seemed cute and endearing became huge roadblocks, and i fell into my typical pattern of loosing every single part of myself to accommodate and try to fix something that possibly wasn’t broken, just wasn’t meant to be. we realized that we were both just taking up this space in each others life, so we wouldn’t have to be alone. i don’t know if he ever saw me for who i am, and i’m not sure i was ever more than a warm body.
it’s killing me that life goes on without me. that my parents moving forward and my sisters are getting bigger and my former loves find new beaus, and i’m becoming memory of a time past, not a moment in the present. but right now, my present is becoming okay with being just jordan, just me, nothing else. it’s the scariest place i’ve been in, but its also when i’ve felt most brave.
tonight a glass of wine, and a hint of pink, and a reminder that some people still love me are the things that are making me brave and blessed this easter.